Are you a Fableweaver?

You would be sour too if you lived in such a crowded space.

Have you heard of the term “sour grapes”?

It came from one of Aesop’s Fables, which always had a simple and powerful message lightly hidden in a story about animals. It was a very effective and memorable method of storytelling (and that could be another discussion all by itself). One of my favourites was the Fox and the Grapes. A fox sees some grapes high up in a tree, can’t figure out how to get them, so he decides they must have been sour and that he never really wanted them anyways. This is where the term “sour grapes” originates.

The fox really did want the grapes, he just couldn’t live with the fact that he either wasn’t smart or skilled enough to get to them, or that he will go grapeless and unfulfilled. Aesop wasn’t the only one weaving fables. The fox created one too – that the grapes were not worth his effort.

This story is a shining example of the concept of cognitive dissonance. This concept explains the stories that we tell ourselves, and how we justify our actions in the face of conflicting values or information. This is one of the largest drivers of human behaviour and thinking. To me, it can explain more in the world than any other single psychological or sociological concept. Our minds are designed to confirm what we already know, protect us from feeling like we’re wrong and to avoid carrying two opposing views.

So we develop our own fables to make us feel better. The title of this post is a trick question – we are all Fableweavers! We are built for it. Most of it happens subconsciously, so we don’t even realize we’re doing it. In the case of a fox in deep denial about his desire for delicious fruit, there’s no real harm done.

However, these stories we tell ourselves might create situations where we dodge accountability, ignore evidence of real problems, or are prevented from achieving our best – because we’re not being honest with ourselves.

Let’s apply this to a scenario in the charitable fundraising world:

Statement 1: Our organization values our relationship with donors
Statement 2: If our donors feel valued, they will continue to give
Statement 3: We are losing 30% of our existing donors each year, and the sector average is 10%
Conclusion: Something really isn’t right here. Maybe our donors aren’t feeling valued.

If you don’t draw the conclusion that something is wrong (which you really should given those numbers!), it might be because you are telling yourself one of these many possible fables:

Our donors are happy, it’s just a tough economy so we’re going to lose a lot of them no matter what

We’re not actually losing 30% overall if you factor in the new ones that come in

The ones that are leaving were going to leave anyway and there was nothing we could do

Donors feel valued, but there are other things out of our control going wrong

Other charities are using gimmicks to keep their donors, which we don’t believe in doing

Cognitive dissonance is very powerful at masking parts of reality. All of these stories could prevent you or your organization from taking the action you need to make things better. In the case above, for example, talking to your donors to see how they feel, and then implementing strategies to serve them better. Without acknowledgement of what is wrong, you will likely keep doing the same thing.

Here are some ways you can deal with cognitive dissonance:

Acknowledge that you are a Fableweaver – Simply being aware that this thought process happens, and understanding how it affects your behaviour can help pull some of the subconscious thinking to the front of your mind.

Give yourself regular reality checks – Continually challenge yourself when you feel like you have made up your mind about something. Maybe your mind has laid a false stake in the ground.

Don’t ignore real problems – Acknowledging the issues is the first step leading to great change. Telling yourself a story and ignoring issues can make small issues into bigger ones.

Recognize that others are Fableweavers too – When you recognize that others are doing this, you can put yourself in their shoes and attempt to figure out what they are telling themselves to justify their actions, and act accordingly.

Cognitive dissonance can be self-protective, and it’s not always a bad thing – we don’t want to become paralyzed thinking about all of the ways our actions or our organization’s actions don’t always match our values. As human beings, we are all walking contradictions! What is important is being honest with ourselves, especially when it really counts.

Go get those grapes – they are as sweet as ever!

Constant Questions: What examples do you have of stories you have told yourself? Looking back, how might you have handled a situation differently if you knew the stories you created in your mind? How could you make cognitive dissonance work in your favour? Do foxes actually eat grapes? (Sidenote: I checked, and they do.) Have you read the Grapes of Wrath? (Sidenote 2: It has nothing to do with grapes.)